I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
