I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
