Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
