When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
