Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she peed on how many people?
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
