my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
