Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
