Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Houston, we have a blender
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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