I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize