Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
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