Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
