Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
