He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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