From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
