The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
