stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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