....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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