Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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