Please, let me fuck your mom
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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