My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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