you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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