I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
