I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
