just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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