i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
