It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
