I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize