I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
