you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
