I'm gonna have a badass scar
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
