I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
