The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
