Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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