Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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