Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize