I must be too annoying 4 u.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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