When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
pop tarts are not kleenex
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Alive.
So much puke
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
