the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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