one might say we're banned from that church
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
