we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
