...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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