Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
