My brain says no but my pants say off.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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