Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
