I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
