Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Is it because I queefed?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
