Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
