What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I need to calm my uterus...
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
