It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
