if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
