please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You are the jesus of drinking
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
