Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize