He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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