I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
