I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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