I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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