I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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