why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Randomize
