I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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