Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
