That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
