Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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