the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
