You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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