who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
