We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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