She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
