I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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