We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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