You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
