and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
