I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
