either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
