the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
