You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
