Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
