I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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