literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
