I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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