I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
