I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
