my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
