that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
