you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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