Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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