i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
