if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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