Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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