woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Randomize