I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
