Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I want to be your penis for a week.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
